<BGSOUND SRC="lobby_jingle.wav">
These are sound bytes (wav files) I've collected over the years... I'll get 'em better organized soon... just wanted to get 'em in for now...
So kick back and enjoy - since Jan-01-2003 you're visitor #: Counter
Be vewy vewy quiet...
Ders somethin' screwy around here
He don't know me vewy well do he?
Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit outa my hat!
Looney Tunes Intro Music
Help! Help! tumbody thave me!
That's All Folks!
Pay, I say pay attention
What's Up Doc?
Elmer's laugh
Yabba Dabba Doo!
Scooby Doo! Where are you?
Scooby's "Hewo"

Miscellaneous Television
Homer's "DOH!"
Jane you ignorant slut
Well whoop-de-freakin'-doo!
Joxer The Mighty
Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk
Coca Cola (mp3)
Television Theme songs
All in the Family
The Andy Griffith Show
Alvin and the Chipmunks (mp3)
Barney Miller
Bat Man!
Beverly Hillbillies (mp3)
Cheers (mp3)
Chico & The Man (mp3)
Dukes of Hazzard (mp3)
Facts of Life (mp3)
Family Ties
Fat_Albert (mp3)
Fraggle Rock (mp3)
Fresh Prince (mp3)
Friends (mp3)
Full House (mp3)
Get Smart
Gilligan's Island Theme
Green Acres
Growing Pains (mp3)
Gomer Pyle
Gummi Bears (mp3)
Happy Days (mp3)
Hercules - The Legendary Journeys
Hill Street Blues
I Dream of Jeanie (mp3)
I Love Lucy
(tv themes contd.)
The Jeffersons (mp3)
The Jetsons (mp3)
LA Law
The Land of the Lost
Laverne and Shirley
Love American Style
The Love Boat
M.A.S.H. (mp3)
Mad About You
The Monkeys
The Muppet Show! (mp3)
Peanuts (mp3)
Sanford & Son
Saturday Night Live!
Saved by the Bell (mp3)
Sesame Street
The Simpsons (mp3)
The Smurfs (mp3)
Three's Company (mp3)
The Twilight Zone
Welcome Back Kotter (mp3)
The White Shadow
Who's the Boss?
The Wild Wild West
The Wonder Years (mp3)
Xena - Warrior Princess

Movie Themes (mp3's)
A League of Their Own
An American Tail
Austin Powers - Dr. Evil sings "Just the Two of Us"
Austin Powers - Secret Agent Man
Beetlejuice - Day-O
Exorcist (oo scary)
Ghost (ok, ok... Unchained Melody)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (The Original Dr. Seuss version)
James Bond - Nobody Does it Better
Rocky - Gonna Fly Now
Rocky Horror Picture Show - Time Warp
Romeo and Juliet
Scrooged - Put a Little Love in Your Heart
Willy Wonka - The Oompa Loompa song
Willy Wonka - I Want It Now!

THX - Surround Sound Effect


Easy Rider
They're not scared of you - they're scared of what you represent... what you represent to them is freedom.

A Few Good Men
I eat breakfast 300 hundred yards...
Take caution in your tone Commander.
You gotta ask me nicely.
Don't I feel like the asshole?
My job is to make sure you do your job.
Thank you for playing should we or should we not follow the advice of the galacticly stupid?!?
You Can't Handle the Truth!
I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!
Did you order the Code Red?!

All Right!
That's right, he can be taught!
I can't believe it! I just don't believe it!
I can't take it anymore!
Made you look.
Patience Yago, patience.
Now run along and play with your little toys.
Who disturbs my slumber?!

Animal House
Is this the Delta house?
Start drinking heavily.
Thanks, I needed that.
A pledge pin?!? On your uniform?!?
You're all worthless... now drop and give me 20!
Assume the position.
Thank you sir. May I have another?
We gotta do somthing. Ya know what we gotta do? Toga party.
Toga! Toga! Toga!
I hope I score!
See if you can guess what I am now?
Food Fight!
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son.
Is it supposed to be this soft?
I won't go schizo will I?
Then as of this moment they're on double secret probation!
Most recently a roman toga party was held...
Blow Job!
We are gonna die
We're the only white people in here!
Do you mind if we dance with your dates?
Holy shit!
They took the bar!
Seven years of college down the drain.
What's this lyin' around shit?!
Well what the hell we supposed to do, ya moron?
Nothing is over until we decide it is!
What happened to the Delta I used to know?
This situation requires a really futile and stupid gesture.
May I have 10,000 marbles please?
Oh, boy is this great?!

Austin Powers (mixed up from all of 'em)
I've been a fricken evil Dr. for 30 fricken years, ok?
This sorta thing ain't my bag, baby.
There's the bastard.
It appears to be in the shape of a Big Boy.
Look what you did to Mr. Bigglesworth!
Blow me. Excuse me? Show me!
Only 2 things scare me and one is nuclear war...
I like animals maybe I'd be a vet. An evil vet?...
Personally before I'm on the job I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a "how's your father?"
You just don't get it do you?
I'm just joking... just trying to get a rise out of you... for shits and giggles.
I'm with it. I'm hip...
That ain't no woman. It's a man, man.
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
Here's the plan... we hold the world ransom for 1 Million dollars.
Throw me a fricken bone here.
So I thought I'd work my mojo... to counter their mojo...
How dare you break wind before me?
Pardon me for being rude it was not me it was my food...
No doubt love but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex...
How'd this get in here? Somebody's playing a prank on me!
Get away from me you lazy-eyed psycho.
I've had enough of you pushing me around.
Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!
You shot me! Ok, moving on...
If that is a woman it does look like she was beaten with an ugly stick.
Vanesa is one of our top agents... I bet she shags like a minx...
Who are these people?!...
This is my Italian confidential secretary her name is Alotta...
That makes me angry... And when Mr. Bigglesworth get's upset people DIE!!
I go back to the 60's... recharge my mojo...
Oh, behave!
I won't bite... hard.
Austin Power's, Danger's my middle name.
I didn't spend 6 years in evil medical school to be called Mr....
Evil laugh
Get away from me you dirty fembot!
Well don't look at me like I'm fricken Frankenstein.
I'm going to go back to the 60's and steal Austin Power's mojo.
Oh, groovy baby, yeah!
Groovy baby, yeah!
Do I make you horny, baby?
I want chicken. I want liver. Meowmix meowmix please deliver.
Their always after me lucky charms.
Are you mad?
I shall call him "mini-me"
Allow myself to introduce myself. My name is Richie Cunningham.
Oh, blimey! Nerd alert!
I would never have sex with you ever!...
That's Dr. Evil's cat... I never forget a pussy.... cat.
I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
Very shagadelic.
I think your shagadelicl, baby. You're switched on. You're smashing!
She's the villiage bycicle. Everyone's had a ride.
Come Mr. Bigglesworth
Get in my belly!
As you know every diabolical scheme that I've hatched has been thwarted by Austin Powers...d
This coffee smells like shit!
Let's bring out Scott's father - Dr. Evil!
Why'd you run out one me? Because you're not evil enough...
Mr. President in 12 hours I will destroy Washington, DC with this giant laser.
I'm gonna get you Austin Powers.
Grr, baby! very grr!
Don't mess with me I'm one crazy mofo.
1st things 1st. Where's your shitter? I've got a turtle-head pokin' out.
Alright zip it...
I ate a baby! The other other white meat. It's what's for dinner!
Why make trillions when we could make... billions?
Very randy!

Back to the Future
I need a nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 gigawatts...
What are you lookin' at, butthead?
Hello, McFly?
Are you telling me that this sucker is nuclear?
When this baby hits 88 mph you're gonna see some serious shit.
Where we're going we don't need roads.

Bull Durham
Well I believe in the soul...

Lion King
I'm surrounded by idiots.
I just hear that name and I shudder.
Kid what's eatin' ya? Nothin' he's at the top of the food chain!
You gotta put your behind in your past.
The Lion Sleeps Tonight
Wha-da-ya want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?
If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat...

Blazing Saddles
Opening Song
You'd think it was 120 degrees
I get no kick from champagne...
Hold it, hold it, what the hell is that shit?
What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is going on here?
What is it that is not exactly water?
Doggone near lost a $400 hand cart.
Send wire, main office tell them I said "Ow"
The campfire scene...
Mongo only pawn in game of life.
Never mind that shit! Here comes Mongo!
Mongo like candy
Meeting is adjourned
I am depressed
My mind is a raging torrent...
You use your tongue prettier than a $20 whore.
That's where we go a ridin' into town...
Where's my froggy?
Daddy loves froggy.
Olson Johnson is right!
You bet your ass.
It is my privilege to extend to you a laurel and hearty handshake.
Excuse me while I whip this out!
Excuse me while I whip this out! (w/scream)
Do what he say! Do what he say!
My name is Jim...
A man drink like that is going to die.
I'm becoming a big underground success in this town
Deputy Spade might turn out to be a groovy position
You Are The Leading Asshole In The State
Work, work, work...
I want you to round up every vicious criminal & gun slinger in the west...
Hey boys! Look what I got here!
What's happenin' in the clean world?
Chewing gum on line, eh?
Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!
Men you are about to embark on a great crusade
Now go do that voo doo that you do.
Does anybody got a dime?
I've been with thousands of men, again and again...
Welcome, come on in...
I cannot find the words to express my joy...
Won't you excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable?
There - isn't that betta?
Bitte, baby
Is it true what they say?
Auf weidersehn, baby
They said you was hung!
...but we don't want the Irish!
Do we have the strength to carry off this mighty task in one night?
Don't pay no attention to that alchy
How 'bout a little applause for the Waco Kid?

Here's lookin' at you kid.
Round up the usual suspects.
Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
Play it! (You Must Remember This)
If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him you'll regret it.
I stick my neck out for nobody!

Arsenic and Old Lace
This is developing into a very bad habit!
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops!

Cool Hand Luke
What we got here is failure to communicate.

Die Hard
We'll get together - have a few laughs.
Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?
Just like f***ing Saigon, eh Slick?
Yippee Kay Yay MF.
... just the fly in the ointment...

The Godfather
You can act like a man! What's the matter with you?
You gotta get up close like this and bada-bing!
I don't like violence. I'm a business man.
Leave the gun take the canolli.
It's a Sicilian message...
Don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again.
Johnny Fontaine will never get that movie!
Can you get me off the hook? for old time's sake?
Do you know who I am? I'm Mo Green!
My father's no different than any other powerful man.
I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.
She was the greatest piece of ass I've ever had!
Aw, Pauley - won't see him no more.
...on the souls of my grandchildren I will not be the one to break the peace we have made here today.
I don't want my brother comin' out of that toilet with just his dick in his hands, alright?
Some day I'll call upon you to do a service for me.
(Sonny get's gunned down)
I have a sentimental weakness for my children...
I never wanted this for you...

I'm funny how?

Jerry McGuire
Don't ever stop f**king me...!
If you ever want me to be with another woman for you...
I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke wearing your own shoe playing a Sega game featuring you while singing your own song in a new commercial starring you broadcast during the Super Bowl in a game that you are winning.
Well boo-f**kin-hoo
I am a valuable commodity. I go across the middle...
What can I do for you Rod? It's a very personal, very important thing...
Show me the money. (Cuba)
Show me the money! (Tom)
Who's your MF Jerry?
I love black people!
I love the black man!
To hear you say that makes me love you.
I hear that you hear what I'm saying, but do you truly hear what I'm saying?
When you think about what you did there don't panic.
I've had 3 lovers in 4 years...
I love him for the man he wants to be and I love him for the man that he almost is.
You know I don't think we need to do the thing where we tell each other everything.
Do you know that my next door neighbor has 3 rabbits?
The human head weighs 8 pounds.
Ya know bees and dogs can smell fear?
Nanny? I prefer "Child Technician".
That's how you become great man. Hang your balls out there.
We bottom feeders prefer cereal first.
Just jump right into my nightmare the water is warm.
It's not show friends it's show business.
For about 5 minutes you unloaded that rather large chip...
I'm all heart MF!!
You think we're fighting. I think we're finally talking!
This is humiliating and I'm pregnant and I'm incapable of bullshit.
And say what? Please remove your d**k from my ass?!
I have lost the ability to bullshit.
If this is empty this doesn't matter.
A real man would not shoplift the pootie from a single mother...
I love you. You complete me.
You had me at "hello".

American Pie
I got some scotch... aged 18 years... the way I like it.
What exactly does 3rd base feel like?
Say my name bitch!
Houston we have a problem.
When was the last time you looked at the facilities?
Oh, and this one time at band camp I stuck...
God Bless the internet.
It's a perfectly normal thing...
Dude! That chick's a MILF!
Oh my God she used me.
They probably have special dorms for people like us.

GI Jane
Remember there are no bad crews only bad leaders.
Get your dick back in here.
The more everybody f***s with me the more I wanta gut it out.
Move your asses!!
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself...
No split tail's gettin' through this program.
Suck my dick.
The ebb and flow of the Atlantic tides... things I control in my world.

Forged when the world was young...
The charm of making.
I dreamt of the dragon...
Behold! The sword of power, Excalibur!
By Excalibur I swear it.

Independence Day
That's what I call a close encounter.
I have got to get me one of these!
Today we celebrate our independence day.
Let's kick the tires and light the fires big daddy.
This is so cool.
We've gotta stop 'em! They're gonna kill us all!
Who's the man?! Huh? Who's the man?!
Welcome to earth.
I'm just a little anxious... to whoop ET's ass...

Pulp Fiction
Shhh.. negro, that's all you had to say.
Check out the big brain on Brad!
...Does he look like a bitch?...
English MF, do you speak it?
Take him to the kennel. Sick the dogs on his ass.
What now? Let me tell you what now... I'm a get medieval on your ass!
You ain't go no problem jewels. I'm on the MF... wait for the wolf who should be coming directly.
This is some F'd up repugnant shit.
Well, let's not start sucking each other's dix quite yet.
No, we don't wanta think. We wanta know.

The Matrix
I sent two units they're bringing her down now.
The Trinity? That cracked the IRS Dbase?
Am I dead? Far from it.
If you're killed in the matrix you die here?
Welcome to the desert of the real.
What are you trying to tell me, that I can dodge bullets?
Dodge this.
Good shit, huh? Dozer makes it...
Wow, that sounds like a really good deal...
Get up, Trinity...
So what do you need, besides a miracle? Guns, lots of guns.
I know Kung Fu.
Show me.
This is a sparing program... Hit me, if you can.
C'mon stop trying to hit me and hit me!
Your weakness is not your technique.
How did I beat you?...
Right now there's only one rule - our way or the highway.
I know you're out there. I can feel you now...
Kansas is goin' bye bye.
Will you please remove any metallic items you're carrying...
Welcome to the real world.
There is no spoon.
Oh, shit. Yes.
What is real?
Were you listening to me Neo, or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?...
Your appearance now is what we call residual self image...
I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it.
There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.
Unfortunately no one can be told what the matrix is...

You look like a sensitive intelligent guy. Don't make me shoot you.
Dat's da fact, Jack!
In the last 2 hours I've lost my job... you still have your health.
No questions please... we just want to get back to our hotel rooms...
There's something wrong with us; something very very wrong with us!

As Good as It Gets
Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get?
What if this is as good as it gets?
Maybe we could live without the wise cracks.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Anyone know what this is?
I asked for a car I got a computer...
Pardon my french, but you're an asshole...
Hey batter batter ssaawiinngg batter.
Makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.
They think he's a righteous dude.
Life moves pretty fast...

It's A Wonderful Life
Are you running a business or a charity ward?
Oh, I suppose I should give it to miserable failures like you?
He's got the IQ of a rabbit.

Gone With the Wind
It ain't fittin'! It just ain't fittn'!
I don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin' babies!
I knows! I knows! I knows how to do it! I've done it lots and lots!
Quittin' time!
No I don't think I will kiss you. Although, you need kissing badly! That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often! And by someone who knows how!
Sir, you are no gentleman. And you miss are no lady!...
Oh, if just wasn't a lady, what wouldn't I tell that varmint?
"Rhett, if you go where shall I go? What shall I do?" "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
I'll think of some way to get him back. After all tomorrow is another day.

Can't find it here? Check out Sound America.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines!
Cream? No thank you. I take it black, like my men.
You have clearance Clarence...
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking!
You don't know where that finger's been!
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!
The fog is getting thicker...
Maybe we oughta turn on the search lights now...
Surely you can't be serious.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking!

Young Frankenstein
Dun dun dunnnn (dramatic music)
How do you do? I am Dr. Frankensteen
We would collapse like a bunch of broccli!
You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind.
My grandfather's work was doo-doo!
No, it's pronounced "Fron-ken-steen"
Aiiiieee ain't got nobody...
Perhaps I could help you with that hump. What hump?
Allow me
You've got it! Master.
Would you like to have a roll in de hay?
Roll, roll, roll in de hay
Pardon me, boy, is this the Transylvania Station?
Taffeta, darling!
What knockers!
Igor would you give me a hand with the bags?
I am Frau Blucher
You're rooms have been prepared.
Would the Dr. care for a brandy before retiring?... warm milk?... ovaltine?
Good night herr doctor.
I put a special hamper in the bathroom...
Yes, yes! Say it! He was my boyfriend!
Destiny! Destiny! No escaping that's for me!...
Where is it?
Put the candle back.
Look Dr., a passageway!
Wait master. It might be dangerous. You go first.
It - Could - Work!
... He would have an enormous schwanstucker! Woof!...
What a filthy job
Could be worse...
You haven't even touched your food
I'll never forget my old dad. The things he'd say to me...
Never interrupt me while I'm working!
Damn your eyes! Too late.
Throw it I say! Throw it!
Give my creation life!
Se-da-give! Give him a sedagive!
alive, Alive, IT'S ALIVE!!
Hello there. I'm going to set you free.
Nice grouping. Thank you.
Abby... someone
Are you saying I put an abnormal brain into... a gorilla?
A riot is an ugly thing. Und I think it is just about time that we had one!
Don't inhale until the tip glows. WHAAAAAAAA!!!
Wait!... I was gonna make espresso.
Oh, my God! WOOF!
Sweet Mystery of Life at last I've found you
You're incorrigible! You little zipper neck
Come over here you hot monster.
You men are all alike
What is this? Schwartzwalder Kirschtorte. MMMMMMmmmmm!...
What's the matter with you people? I was joking!
Open this door or I'll kick your heads in!! MOMMY!!!
Hello handsome!
You are good!
Nice workin' with you
I'll be right back.
mmmmm the feeling is muchal!
Puttin' on the Ritz
Puttin' on the Ritz (the entire act)
Stand back, for the love of God, he has a rotten brain!
It's rotten I tell you, rotten.
Let's go
No, thank you
Thank you very much.
Yes, Dr.
Yes, Master
Violin music to call the monster. (including French Horn solo)
The monster got part of your wonderful brain, but what did you ever get from him?...
(dramatic music, II)

When Harry Met Sally
Don't f**k with Mr. Zero.
Just let it lie.
Pecan Pieeee
You may be the 1st attractive woman...
Fakin' it

Heavy Metal
Are you circumcised?
Unless you count the times he sold dope as a nun.
No way I'm walkin' around with my dork hangin' out!
She doesn't have to talk for what I wanta do with her.
Guards! castrate him.
But I'd feel so guilty.

The Wizard of Oz
I'll get you my Pretty!
What would you do with a brain if you had one?
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!
Put 'em up. Put 'em up.
Close your eyes and tap your heels together 3 times.
Evil Monkey Music
I can cause accidents, too
You're a very bad man.
Just follow the yellow brick road.
Here scarecrow wanta play ball?
Well, that's more like it! Now state your business.
The magnificent Oz has every intention of granting your request.
But first you must prove yourselves worthy.
Say 'goodbye', Toto.
I'll take care of you now, instead of later.
Emerald City is closer and prettier than ever.
(scream) Come back! Come back!
As Coroner..she's not only merely dead...
What do they got that I ain't got? Courage.
Curses curses...
These things must be done delicately.
Did you say something?
Ding dong the witch is dead...
They have one thing you haven't got, a diploma.
I believe there's spooks around here.
Don't you believe in spooks?
I DO believe in spooks!
Do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals?
There's Emerald City!
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?
Ha ha ha, ho ho ho and a couple of tra la la's
Now I know I've got a heart, cuz it's breaking.
There's no place like home.
How 'bout a little fire, scarecrow?
If I only had a brain.
I keep forgetting I'm not in Kansas.
You'd better close your eyes in order to be better in tuned with the Infinite.
It's a twister. It's a twister!
Lions & Tigers & Bears, Oh My!
The Lollipop Guild.
The Lullaby League.
You cursed rat! I'm melting!
I think I'll miss you most of all.
How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?
I'm a failure because I haven't got a brain.
I have a feeling we're not in Kansas, anymore.

Toy Story
Red Alert!
Code Red! Repeat we are at code red.
I don't like confrontations!
I have been chosen! Farewell my friends. I go on to a better place.
To infinity and beyond!
You're mocking me, aren't you?
There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.

The Jerk
I was born a poor black child
You mean I'm gonna stay this color?!?
Wanta sing some blues?
This music speaks to me!
Lord loves a workin' man...
That's shit... and this is shinola.
The new phone book's here!
Letter home 1
Damn these glasses!
These cans are defective!
... with a t-shirt that says bullshit...
Maybe you might wanta go out with me?
Bring us some FRESH wine!
Tonight you belong to me.
She's no great piece of ass!
Letter home 2 (next week - more money...)
I'm picking out a thermos for you!
I don't need anything except this ashtray...

Field of Dreams
If you build it he will come.

Top Gun
The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room.
Your ego is writing checks your body can't cash.
Greetings! Watch the birdie!
I feel the need, the need for speed
Gutsiest move I ever saw, man.
Jester's dead, Yee Haw!
You've got Mig1 - I'm going after Mig2.
The data on the Mig is inaccurate.
Where exactly were you?
You screw up just this much...
The clock is ticking and as of now we are keeping score.
Hey, Goose - you big stud!...
Your sons are dead because they were stupid.
I'm not gonna sit here and blow sunshine up your ass
This is what I call a target rich environment.
Ok, Mav, let's turn & burn!
Actually, I've only done this twice...
Holy shit! It's Viper!
Ok, buddy, what's on your mind?
You've lost that lovin' feelin'...

Wayne's World
How would you feel about making a change?   We fear change.
Ex-squeeze me?
Dya... and monkeys might fly outta my butt.
Are you mental?
Party on Wayne!   Party on Garth!
Wayne's world!   Wayne's world!   Party time!   Excellent!

Star Wars
I've been waiting for you Obewon...
Give yourself to the dark side.
Don't make me destroy you.
Don't underestimate the force.
You have failed me for the last time.
Han Solo, I'm Captain of the Millineum Falcon.
The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant...
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
I want to learn the ways of the force...
Ummm... Everything's under control... situation normal.
Stretch out with your feelings.
Remember, the Force will be with you, always.
I am your father!

The Rocky Horror Picture Show
I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey.
I see you shiver with antici....pation
Come up to the lab and see what's on the slab.
Janet! Dr. Scot! Janet! Brad! Rocky!
It's just a jump to the left.
I made you and I can break you just as easily!
I remember doing the Time Warp!
I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transexual, Transyvania.
Let's do the Time Warp again!
Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me. I want to be dirty.

Star Trek
He's dead Jim.
Live long and prosper.
Scotty, beam me up.

Galaxy Quest
Opening Theme Music
Never give up! Never Surrender! (Taggert)
Had I moved an inch to the left the beast would have killed me...
You probably don't remember me do ya?
In episode 15... I got the feeling you and the Commander...
What a freak show, man
Excuse me Commander... I hadn't even gotten to the relevant conundrum
Commander as I was saying... Their is no damned ship!
It's a core meltdown, sir. It can't be stopped!
Activate the Omega 13
Doesn't she talk?
They really were aliens! They were termites or dalmations...
Requesting 5 pods for immediate departure
What's wrong with them?
Your presence is required on the command deck
Let me remind you, sonny...
Let's fire blue particle cannons full... that should take care of old Lobster Head, shouldn't it?
All systems are working commander
It doesn't take a great actor to recognize a bad one.
I remember that sound. That's a bad sound!
Are you enjoying your keplar blood ticks?
By Grabthar's Hammer, by the suns of Warvan, you shall be avenged
By Grabthar's Hammer, by the suns of Warvan, I shall avenge you
By Grabthar's Hammer... don't do that
By Grabthar's Hammer we live to tell the tale
Take it from us, we've been all over the Universe
By Grabthar's Hammer what a savings
Your Commander is on deck
They're coming right at us
And what you fail to realize is my ship is dragging mines
Hey Commander we found some berrilium
He's wearing a costume not a uniform
Is there air?
Seems ok
What's my last name?
They are so cute.
Never give up. Never surrender.
But the animal is inside out. And it exploded.
You're just gonna have to kill it
Did you guys ever watch the show?
Ship door opening
Do you know what time it is?
Do you think I'm a fool?
My name is Jason Nesmith. I'm an actor.
Explain as you would a child
A very clever deception indeed!
Engine room sound
You fin-headed monstrosity...
You used to pull your punches
Exiting time knot now sir
They're telling me the generators won't take it... just fyi
I see you managed to get your shirt off
Surely you don't think that Gilligan's Island...
...the greatest honor we could ever have hoped to achieve in our lifetime
Hard wire the reactor core to overload
I don't know how to shut down a neutron reactor
Hello? Anybody there?
I remember you from the convention, right?
It's all real
Brandon, honey - garbage
Mother I am quite busy
Don't forget the recyclables
There will be a slight drop
Thanks for the heads-up, Brandon!
Just straight on through the chompers
It makes no logical sense we shouldn't have to do this...
Whoever wrote this episode should die!
Well, screw that!
You're deep in the underbelly of the Omega 13
What does the Omega13 device do?
It always stops at one on the show
Al..alright - dinner's at 7
Push the blue button.
Here we go
Hold please
How adorable. The actors are going to play war with me.
I'm not even supposed to be here
I'm shot
This is unreal
I don't like it. It was too easy.
I have one job on this lousy ship. It's stupid but I'm going to do it, ok?
I have said it for years - he's mentally unstable
I'm just jazzed about bein' on the show
He has saved us! Commander Taggert has saved us!
Larak Tarath! Larak Tarath! Larak Tarath!
I avoided capture by using your Mak Tar Stealth Haze
Never give up! Never Surrender! (Mathesar)
No pressure, huh? I'm glad I ain't the Commander
Oh, darn
Oh, my God. It's real
Open an oxygen seal on level 3
Set a course for home Commander? ...just point & click
Prepare a tare harness for the female
Press turbo! I'm always saying press turbo, right?!
Where are you going? To see if there's a pub
Maybe you're the plucky comic relief
There's a red thingy moving toward the green thingy
So now you know
On behalf of all my people I wish to thank you
OH! That's not right!
That was a hell-uv-a thing
The generator room
Like I know where the hold button is
Back again after 18 years...
We are Thermians from the Klatu Nebula...
We need your help
You are our last hope!
It's the simple things in life you treasure
...this fine ship, this fine crew...
Protectorate, this is the Commander
Vox beep
I'll get one of my boys up here with a can of WD40
We made it Commander! We made it.
We are actors not astronauts
We're alive
Where the hell is he?
You broke the ship. You broke the bloody ship!
You could put an eye out with that thing
Now you will face justice Seris
You stole all my best lines
Move, you wanta drive this thing?

War Games
Shall we play a game?
How about a nice game of chess?
After careful consideration... your system sucks!

The Muppet Movie
We were just traveling down this little black line here...
Evenin'. You look like you could use a drink.
I finish work. I go home...
Hey hey, the man with the badge, the police, the cops, the fuzz, the PI...

Miscellaneous clips... can you guess the movie?
I bid you, welcome.
They call me Mr. Tibbs!
Remember, no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country...
When I get back... you better be wearing nothing but a candy cane!
I have a head for business and a bod for sin. There anything wrong with that?
You would need 3 promotions to get to be an asshole.
I admire your luck, Mr.? Glue, Jimmy Glue.
No woman's worth a bullet between the eyes... depends...
So let it be written. So let it be done!
Pharoah! You have not yet obeyed the Lord. Let my people go!
I am as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!
Don't you do it!!!
Hhhheeeeyyy!! My balls itch!
Can I play, too?
They're here...
"Crazy" music
Winners go home and f--k the prom queen.
Do you comprehend my meaning?
You gotta be shit'n me.
People without life are within view.
Badges? We ain't got no badges.... (the original ;-) )
Love means never having to say you're sorry. That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dreams.
Sometimes you gotta say, wtf?
Listen up! I don't like white people...
You are gonna f--k me over aren't you?

Miscellaneous Parodies
John Bobbitt - nightmare sound effect
Duckjob - Donald's infamous sounds of joy
Say it loud - F*** you! - the most versatile word in the english language
Homer meets Meg - Boy! This is lot more fun with a second person!
Dear Penis - the ultimate sad country love song.
The Man Song - I won't take no crap from anybody else... but you...
Oh! Archie!! - Edith Bunker gettin' a little lovin' from Archie
"Those Were the Days" - All in the Family theme as sung by Homer & Marge Simpson
7 words - Carlin's 7 dirty words you can never say on televison
Hello, baaaaaby! - The Big Bopper
Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay
I Am a Lumberjack and I'm Okay! - Monty Python's woodsy tune.
You might be a redneck... - Jeff Foxworthy explains the qualifying conditions...